STA is now Ten Years Old

JPL's Jamie Talks To AU About His Pet Hates

"Stick them in a room with PJ Harvey and let her kick the shite out of them" - Jamie

David AU asks Jamie JPL about the things that really gets his goat...

Public Figure?
The Reverend Ian Paisley, a man who has made a lifetime’s art out of saying ‘no’ and ‘never’. Every time he holds one of his false-teeth flashing, cut-price mafia, impromptu press conferences, just to announce the he will ‘never’ and ‘no’ again, I want to cry for the sheer bloody-mindedness of the human condition.  And don’t go thinking that because he’s looking a bit old and slow its okay. Soon he will be going to his own brand of sectarian heaven, he has a son I hear and apparently he’s worse!

Film?
Crash.  A film that puts forward the idea that we are ‘all a little bit racist really inside aren’t we? And do you know what? That’s normal and it’s alright.’ Also, it’s played out like a Christmas episode of Eastenders. Next.

TV Show?
Sky News.  I am staying in Paris right now and it’s the only channel I can understand on my TV.  The simmering, undercover, right-wing conservatism; the corpse chasing; the gossip passed off as news; the news turned into entertainment; the android presenters; the strident synthesized trumpets of the signature music. I hate it all and I hate anyone who thinks it informs them fairly.

Song?
'Grace Kelly' by Mika.  Does anybody remember Bruno from The Kids From Fame? When I heard this I thought it was his comeback single.  It sounds like a song that could appear in the middle of Jesus Christ Superstar. It’s our High School Musical.  He’s goes on like a twenty-something children’s presenter with a Freddy Mercury obsession. Oh, and when he goes, ‘ka-ching!’ at the end of the track, it’s not funny, it’s not endearing, it’s like something off of Eurotrash.

Band/Artist?
Kasabian. A band that aspire to be as relevant as Oasis, as cutting edge as the ‘Scream’, as vital as The Who. Their macho, swaggering, stomping, empire-building rawk is just hateful.  Stick them in a room with PJ Harvey and let her kick the shite out of them. Oh, and ironically, for a band that love their British bands, they can’t stop saying, ‘cool,’ and ‘man.’  They’re like American teenagers high on fizzy pop.

Miscellaneous?
Toddlers with long hair.  Golden, ambrosia kids, called something like Josh, or Rosy, or Gabrielle; that are picked up after school in 4x4s.  The flowing Rubenesque hair really gets to me. It makes me gag when I see it, each ringlet and every curl. I say shave it off and keep out the nits.

- David AU, Alternative Ulster